Wes Martin preached a powerful sermon tonight on embracing voluntary weakness, otherwise known as the fasted lifestyle. Especially since my job is that of an intercessory missionary, this is something I believe strongly in and want to pursue in greater depth. However, there’s just one problem.
I don’t like being weak.
The battle I wage with perfectionism has lasted longer than I can remember. My mom has told me stories of when I was a baby learning to walk — I refused to do it in front of anybody. If one of my parents came into the room when I was hazarding a few wobbly steps, I would immediately plop down until they left. They had to sneak up on me and watch without me knowing, or otherwise I’d just quit, because I hadn’t gotten it right yet.
Combine that with my desire to be indepedent, and combine that with my desire to be as low-maintenance and untroubling to anyone as possible, and you’ve got yourself a gal who really doesn’t like weakness, voluntary or otherwise. Lately, this has been an interior battle that’s raging harder than normal… or at least, closer to the surface than normal.
So all that said, the Global Bridegroom Fast starts tomorrow (well, I guess technically today). That means three solid days of embracing voluntary weakness. I’m looking forward to it, yet somewhat dreading it at the same time. I’m sure it will be good. I’m sure there will be some tears and some collisions with my own barrenness. I’m sure it will be painful. I’m sure God will not leave me hanging, and that it will be worth it. Time to fasten my seat belt.
Since misery loves company, I figured I’d share the notes with you. Enjoy. And grace, grace to you. 🙂