“Marshmallows.” Riiiiiiight.

27 Mar

I must digress from my “What are you going to do when you graduate?” series for a moment. 

So as I was helping my interns clean out their apartment on checkout day, I acquired some unwanted leftover packets of hot cocoa. Never being one to turn down free chocolate, I received it with joy. I made myself a cup that night, where I discovered that this is the kind of cocoa that comes with marshmallows right inside the packet. “Marshmallows.” I use this term loosely.

Have you ever seen these things? These are about as far as you can get from a marshmallow and still stay within the bounds of edible substance. Real marshmallows are light and puffy and squishy. These are… well, they’re white. They’re sweet. They’re kind of gritty. They’re about a sixteenth of an inch square. But these are not marshmallows. These are non-soluble floatie sugar globules.

I suspect they were invented by the guys working at the cocoa factory quality control when the machinery went haywire one day.

Guy 1: “Oh no! This is bad! There are non-soluble floatie sugar globules in the cocoa! We’re going to have to do a massive recall.”
Guy 2: “No, no, we can work with this. Let’s label them, ‘with marshmallows.'”

Where were the “truth in advertising” folks on this one?

Needless to say… despite my sarcasm, I drank the whole thing. NSFSG’s included.



Posted by on March 27, 2007 in Random


17 responses to ““Marshmallows.” Riiiiiiight.

  1. Jess Gliserman

    March 27, 2007 at 6:51 am

    I’m rather fond of those little things…whatever they are. It’s true, they aren’t much like marshmallows, but I still like them. They remind me of Lucky Charms cereal– marshmallowish taste with crunchy texture.

    Just as long as I don’t know what they’re really made of, haha =D

  2. Dorean

    March 27, 2007 at 11:05 am

    Only an IHOPper would come up with something like NSFSG! Sheesh! Nightwatcher!

  3. Dorean

    March 27, 2007 at 11:05 am

    PS-I like those icky little things…

  4. Christine

    March 27, 2007 at 11:35 am

    I think that these NSFSGs (awesome name, by the way) are to marshmallows what any dehydrated meal is to the actual food. You know… like one of those little dehydrated meals with meat and potatoes and stuff in it? That make you look at the solid hunk of hard, mostly colorless substance and go, “huh?”

    Umm… my powers of description have completely escaped me. Do you have any clue what I am talking about?

    In any case… I think we could call them dehydrated marshmallows. But the texture and all is like 90% of what makes a marshallow a marshmallow.

    Wow… what a weird word… marshmallow.

  5. brian

    March 27, 2007 at 3:57 pm

    I count it a blessing that “truth in labelling” laws are not more vigorously enforced. Recently I was quite relieved to learn that “baby swiss” is not made out of babies, for example.

    some other labels I’m content to leave at the edges of truthfulness:
    Gummy Worms
    Ranch Dressing
    Cough Syrup
    Lady Fingers
    Gorilla Glue
    Dump Trucks

  6. Wendy

    March 28, 2007 at 5:20 am

    I agree about the marshmallows, in New Zealand (yes I’m pulling the foreigner card) almost anywhere you order a hot chocolate you get 2 or 3 nice fluffy marshmallows. Some classy places give you a chocolate fish (marshmallow covered in chocolate shaped like fish) Even McDonalds gives you the really cute little fluffy marshmallow.

    That’s all – I say write to the company and ask for bigger marshmallows – ones that don’t seem to be dehydrated!

  7. brian

    March 28, 2007 at 5:57 am

    About Lucky Charms (my all-time favorite bad-for-me cereal): Those marshmallow bits in several shapes actually have a soft future if permitted to soak in the milk for awhile. Timing is crucial, though – they lose their crunch entirely just after they dissolve completely, so the trick is to wait for them to dissolve (turning the milk a gloppy grey-purple) – then employ a localized time distortion to go back two seconds. Eat fast.

    You can suffer through the little oat thingies while you wait – that’s why they’re there. I recommend chopsticks for that part.

  8. Christine

    March 28, 2007 at 4:26 pm

    Lucky Charms are also my absolute favorite less-than-healthy cereal. I have a huge box of them in my cabinet waiting on stand-by in case of an emergency.

    Your approach for the perfect timing seems totally doable… well, sort of.

    I have this weird little habit of counting my marshmallows when I eat Lucky Charms. (I think that is part of why I enjoy them so much.) So I tend to be satisfied with the marshmallows in every state prior to “completely disolved”.

  9. standonthewall

    March 28, 2007 at 7:00 pm

    chocolate. who the heck could turn down chocolate? whether the “marshmallows” were bad or not… it’s just not possible to turn the chocolate down. wise decision.

  10. Amanda Beattie

    March 28, 2007 at 10:06 pm

    Hey, out of the mouth of two witnesses, the thing is established. Thanks for the affirmation, Brooke. 😉

  11. Jess Gliserman

    March 29, 2007 at 6:52 am

    @ Brian and Christine: I too am a lover of Lucky Charms…I group all the different kinds of marshmallows together and eat them that way, smallest to largest. I like them in any state, crunchy or mushy. That’s probably why I don’t mind those little NSFSG’s.

  12. Dorean

    March 29, 2007 at 12:25 pm

    Hey Jess, Yea for you! Us groupies, er, groupers, have to stick together! I must admit, though, I’ve never thought of eating the groups according to size. I’ll have to try that next time. I can’t wait! A whole new dimension to eating Lucky Charms!

  13. Christine

    March 29, 2007 at 6:22 pm

    Wow, I never thought to eat them by size, either. I’ll have to try that.

    I often group them by their kind a lot as well. Or I will eat them by their kind (not necessarily grouping within the bowl… but only eating one kind of marshmallow at a time until they are gone.) I frequently count them by the kind of marshmallow as well. Usually I just count the marshmallows in general. It takes a bit longer (and I’m often just waking up and having trouble remembering all the numbers) to count each one.

  14. Amanda Beattie

    March 29, 2007 at 6:48 pm

    Jess, I think you just revolutionized the way people eat Lucky Charms…

  15. Oliver

    December 31, 2008 at 3:11 am

    We actually have relatives visiting from Europe who are TRYING to find these little marshmallows/NSFSGs on sale. Not having much luck!

  16. Amanda Beattie

    January 2, 2009 at 12:04 am

    I haven’t seen anywhere you can buy those things individually. But if you get a package of Swiss Miss cocoa packets with marshmallows, you’ll have them. Or if you buy a box of Lucky Charms, because that’s about the same thing.

  17. Christine

    January 6, 2009 at 8:54 am

    Hehe. Seeing the comments pop up on this again made me think of my recent hot chocolate experience with a marshmallow. You know… that fancy trick that I blogged about last month. Oy.


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