(originally posted 1/15/07)
I’m finding myself these days caught in a tension between a couple of different draws on my energy and time. I’m a full-time student at FSM, as well as a Core Leader/Ministry Assistant for FITN–both are proving to have pretty demanding schedules. At the same time, the Night Watch is in the middle of 90 days of consecration, three months where we’re working on setting good habits, focusing in the Prayer Room, and basically doing what we came here to do with excellence.
I’m feeling the pull between things I am required to do (maintenance forms, leading apartment meetings, etc.) and the things I want to do (spending more time in the Prayer Room just for the sake of being there, having time alone at my house to quiet myself before the Lord, etc.). My worship leader encouraged our team tonight to look practically at our lives, and see what changes we can make to help our time on the platform as a team be more fruitful–the goal being to really “tune in” on the platform, to hear the Lord, and to prophesy. How can we prepare? What can we do ahead of time?
It was a great exhortation, and one I’m taking seriously… but yet, staring over the hours of mandatory meetings I had today, I was confronted again with that tug-o-war. What must I keep in my schedule, and what can I cut out in order to “shut it down and pray” (as Corey Russell would say)? How can I live my life in such a way that I am positioning myself to hear the Lord better, even in the midst of a crazy semester?
I can look at several leaders around me–even fellow students–and know that it can be done. If Mike Bickle can have an alive heart with his schedule, then certainly it can work for me. I look at the section leaders and worship leaders around me (some of whom are also full-time students), and am encouraged that if they can pull it off, maybe I can, too. But what does it look like for me? Ahh, there’s the question.
Hence the 90-day consecration. And a really good look at my own barrenness.
But God is gracious, and He is so kind and gentle with my heart. I know He likes it that I’m trying, and will help me out in the wisdom department. For now, it’s a rocky journey, but if I find Him at the end of it, then everything was worth it.